I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
