Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He felt like a one man threesome
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize