She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
