eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
