a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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