wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
