If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
