is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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