he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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