I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
