dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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