Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
