dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
