He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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