dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
