I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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