dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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