im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
