When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
