How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
