Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
