I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
