i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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