I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
