haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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