Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
