then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
