This girl is more easily done than said...
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
