I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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