On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
