she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
