then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
