Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
