Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
