You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
