Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
