Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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