Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
