I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
