I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
