There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
