That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
