Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Two words: blizzard sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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