Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize