i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
