I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
