I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We had to coat check the pizza.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize