Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
