I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
