I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We have started to decorate penises.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just high enough for therapy.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
