I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
