I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize