I love black thongs
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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