So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
