I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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