I think i peed on brittanys purse
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
