Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
