me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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