hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
