My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
