Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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