When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
