i need an iv and a liver transplant
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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