I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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