Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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