Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
