I want you more than these girls want KFC
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
