I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
