"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
