I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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