I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
