Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
