There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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