i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
