i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
