I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
