Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
