It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
