Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
