Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
did you just send me my own nude
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
