I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
