I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
