first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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