Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
