I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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