i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
