"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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