Don't make out with my wife yet
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
