i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
