Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
