Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
