I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We were destined to go to rehab together
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
