I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you inspire me to be a worse person
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
