That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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