On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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